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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the little brown bear read out of his new book.'s LiveJournal:

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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
11:27 pm
i haven't posted here in forever. and i feel like it's silly and weird to post this, since it sounds like you will care about me more than i do for you. or something. (still overthinking, of course.)

but, my therapist and i have agreed that i will get a letter from her to start testosterone in june.

which is news.


miss you.

sorry i disappeared.

(20 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Monday, September 5th, 2005
10:17 am
i should be saying so many things. but i don't know how. i'm confused and upset, but that's never all that new. it's easy when i'm talking about myself, but when it's about other places, far far away, even when i know one of the people involved and just want to do the exact right thing to heal that person's heart... i don't know what to say.

but, the wonderful sophy has this compiled list of all sorts of things about katrina and what can be done and what people have said, and yeah... i was wishing i had the resources to make a list like this, but it's already in existence, here. there are surrounding entries with important stuff in them too. (well, of course, everything she says is important, but this... is... specific?)

(6 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
12:03 pm


(12 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Saturday, July 16th, 2005
2:40 pm

(8 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Saturday, July 9th, 2005
8:17 pm
helloklahoma (which in this case, means "hello from oklahoma.")!

(7 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Friday, July 1st, 2005
1:28 pm
do you want to hear something dorkysentimentalweird? i can't watch "family feud." not for any snobby bad showish reasons, but because i always think of ray combs and how he killed himself.

(6 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
7:07 am
Subject: This time, it's for real: Save NPR and PBS


You know that email petition that keeps circulating about how Congress is slashing funding for NPR and PBS? Well, now it's actually true. (Really. Check at the bottom if you don't believe me.)

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS:


The House of Representatives is about to vote on whether to slash funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow" and other commercial-free children's shows. If approved, this would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting, threatening to pull the plug on Big Bird, Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch.

The cuts would eliminate more than $200 million for NPR, PBS and local stations immediately, with more cuts likely in the future. The loss could kill beloved children's shows like "Clifford the Big Red Dog," "Arthur," and "Postcards from Buster." Rural stations and those serving low-income communities might not survive. Other stations would have to increase corporate sponsorships.

The House will vote on the cuts as soon as Tuesday. Can you help us reach 1 million signatures calling on Congress to save NPR and PBS?



P.S. Read the New York Times story on the threat to NPR and PBS at:


(1 idea | but what does it mean?)

Sunday, June 19th, 2005
7:00 pm
i'm watching "the mary tyler moore show" on dvd. it's an episode where she's in the hospital and i thought maybe i knew who her roommate was played by. i was absolutely wrong, but i recognized the name of who it actually was, and now i feel all weirdly awed and starstruck. i'm like, "oo!!! i'm watching ursula from the little mermaid in real life!"

i am a dork. i'm embarassed, but more embarassed about other things. i'm so sorry.

Current Mood: embarrassed

(1 idea | but what does it mean?)

Friday, June 17th, 2005
8:40 am
My name is kelly shortandqueer and I'm working on
gathering resources for the second edition of
Trans(in)formation, a zine that lists contact
information for other zines with
genderqueer/transgender content. There are many more
listings than the first edition, and I'm still looking
for more to include. I'm especially interested in
zines published outside of the United States. Please
forward this call for zines on to anyone who might be
interested and please send me the contact info for
zinesters who you think should be included.

For more information or for a copy of the first
edition, please contact me at:
shortandqueer@yahoo.com or
kelly shortandqueer
PO Box 13559
Denver, CO 80201

(but what does it mean?)

Friday, June 3rd, 2005
11:52 am
Clear Channel launches anti-Clear Channel pirate radio station

Twenty years ago, Amnesty International was criticizing Saddam Hussein’s human rights abuses at the same time Donald Rumsfeld was courting him. In 2003 Rumsfeld apparently trusted our credibility on violations by Iraq, but now that we are criticizing the United States he has lost his faith again.

Their four-year Taco Bell boycott succeeded, and now the Florida tomato pickers are ready for more action. The Coalition of Immokalee Workers is taking on the rest of the fast food industry.

In the truncated media universe of Memorial Day, the act of remembering bypasses any history that indicates an American war was not inevitable and unavoidable. The populace is made to understand that God and nature must be death dealers. We are encouraged to extol those who bravely gave their lives and took the lives of others—but not confront those, high in the U.S. government’s executive and legislative branches, who cravenly gave their fervent blessings to gratuitous carnage.

It has become popular to describe the U.S. invasion of Iraq as some kind of anomaly, a departure from Washington’s previous record of seeking peaceful alternatives to war and refusing to engage in aggression. Such depictions amount to a kind of pseudo-historical baby food, chopped up and strained so it can be stomached.

(but what does it mean?)

Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
10:42 am
oh, and one of the really powerful things about camp f was that it wasn't a "fuck you. you suck." kind of thing, but a "fuck you. this needs to happen. we're sorry you couldn't figure that out. but if your conference can get good things out of it, too, than that's great" kind of thing. just working on making the femme community stronger, rather than a revenge thing. which was fucking cool.

(5 ideas | but what does it mean?)

10:14 am
mmm... sneaky wireless usage. it's a lot yummier today than it has been. though right now it seems like if i lift my computer up a few inches or it tips at all, i lose it.

it's cozy right now. puck is in bed (i should probably say "in futon") next to me, and then in the other bed is shinyredtype. we've been in her home all weekend, but now she is finally here. the only sad bit is that marginalia is not over at the kitchen table using her computer. she did that all weekend, sharing shinyredtype's apartment with us.

we spent far too much money on food, as we do. but... i talked to my mom a little, and found out how much she was planning on giving me after selling the house, and it would be as much as i would have gotten from working a job. so i think i'm going to go down there and help her move and then drive across country with her? which has really good (and really horrible) potential.

we are in seattle. did i say that? i love seattle soooooooo much. it feels so good to be here. i wish i could express why. i think it's just things like the way the ground feels beneath my feet. the ways that i know how to get places and love the places i pass in between.

we were here for queering femininity and camp f. i ran back and forth a lot between the two. i started out at the femme conference and felt like it was good and necessary for it to be happening. like i did when the whole thing started. i was like, "omg, a femme conference! this is so fucking necessary!" -- for me and for the laarger community. and it was good to be able to talk about femme identity and to be around other people who were so excited to be able to talk about femme identity. it was really wonderful. it was strange that it was in what felt like an airport, and it was hard when participants referred to "us all" as "women," but it was still just incredible that the space was there.

and then i went up the hill. and i was in this space that had no air conditioning. and there were people sitting on mats, talking to sex workers. and as the time went on and i started to talk to people who'd organized the event and people who were participating, i realized that this space was so exciting. these were people who had taken their power and creativity and intelligence and put it into a new conference in a matter of weeks. these were people who had enough community support to be able to do this. these were people who had harnessed the power to change things and were using it for something fucking amazing. i went to more things at both conferences but wound up gravitating toward camp f, because it just felt more alive. not that the other conference didn't feel alive. there were conversations and essential things happening within people and within the femme community. but this other thing-- it was bigger. i can't express how, past what i already said, but it was.

i'll talk about the conference's effect on me later. once i'm more settled.

Current Mood: excited

(4 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Saturday, May 21st, 2005
1:46 pm
i did it! eep!

Dear Claudia,
Wow! What a weekend in New York! It's been so much fun, and it's only Saturday! I wish you could have been here, but I'm sure you would have been surprised about lots of things. I'll have lots of stories to tell you when I get back to Stoneybrook, but I just can't hold back the story about what happened yesterday!
I got here and immediately went to visit Laine. Well, first I told Dad exactly where I was going and grabbed a sugarfree snack, since I'm diabetic, and then I went to Laine's. I know you don't like her a lot, but we were going to go shopping!
She was wearing this absolutely New York outfit. It was so stylish. And she'd just gotten a new perm! She was wearing this grey blazer with the sleeves rolled up, and under that was this pink prom dress! I was amazed! And she looked so old!
But the big thing is, she had this new friend over. His (I think he's a he. I asked Laine and she said right now he's going by he. I wonder if he's gone by other things before!) name is Rickie, and oh my Lord, he's so pretty! Even prettier than that one girl, you know, the one who's going to be in the new Cam Geary movie? Yeah, that pretty. And, Claud, he wears eyeliner! I didn't know boys could do that, did you? I mean, I can maybe see Alan Gray wearing eyeliner but he'd also have tissue or socks stuffed in his brassiere and he'd be making some sort of joke.
Anyway, Rickie was going to come shopping with us. At first I was sad because I wanted to spend time with Laine, but Rickie turned out to be really sweet. Also, he's so interesting! For one thing, he's gay. Well, bisexual. Can you believe it? I mean, can you believe he is? I also can't believe I used those words. I don't think any of us BSCers have ever talked about sex! Kissing and cute boys, but we've always been too shy to talk about sex. And Mary Anne even has a boyfriend, even though she's so shy!
First we went to FAO Schwarz. Rickie made jokes I didn't understand about the giant pencils, but I laughed anyway. Remember the giant pencils!? They are so big and long and thick! It's amazing! I told Rickie that and he laughed some more. I wanted him to think I was cool, so I laughed too.
By the time we left the store we were all holding hands. I couldn't believe it! Rickie was in the middle, of course. He had soft hands.
Anyway, then we went to Bloomingdale's, of course! It's only my favorite store in the whole wide world! We tried on lots of clothes. Rickie found this great shirt in the juniors department with us. And, Claudia, he had me try on a pair of boy's pants! He said they might make my butt look nice! I can't believe he was looking at my butt! And he talked about it too! I didn't get the pants, but it was fun to try them on.
Anyway, then we went out to eat. We ate at this really exotic Asian restaurant. Claud, you would not believe how exotic it was!
That's when things got really interesting, because then Rickie really started talking! He's dating a boy and he told us all about him. Can you even imagine boys kissing!? Wow! I love New York! It's so great.
Rickie's boyfriend is named Peter. Rickie's 15, but Peter's 13, like us. Can you imagine dating a 15 year old? At one point Rickie said that Peter can be really young, but then Laine and I looked at him. "Well," he said, "boys mature slower than girls! You know that!" We laughed, because boy, do we! I mean, Alan Gray! Yuck! Can you imagine dating Alan Gray!?
Anyway, so he told us all about Peter. One thing he said was so cool. He said that Peter is so beautiful it hurts to look at him. Wow. I can't think of anyone that cute! Can you? Rickie's pretty beautiful, though. I guess it sort of hurts to look at him.
He also said that Peter's really cocky. Well, 13 year old boys tend to be snobby. But then Rickie sighed and said, "Oh, but he really is the most wonderful boy!" Then, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Do you think that's okay, Claudia?
They apparently have really great adventures together. I guess Peter has a lot of other friends and they all go and hang out on this island. Rickie says they hardly wear any clothes, but that some of them wear bear ears and skunk tails. Do you think that's something all gay boys do?
He also said that Peter makes him fly. Do you think that means they do drugs? I mean, this is New York! My parents would never let me do drugs, but it's probably because my father's a workaholic and because I have diabetes.
Anyway, Rickie was great, and I can't believe I actually met a real life gay boy. I mean, bisexual. It's just hard to say because the word sex is in it. I guess I could say bi.
That's a joke because I guess I could say bye now, too!
Yours truly,
Anastasia McGill

Current Mood: amused

(18 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Friday, May 20th, 2005
8:26 pm
why, yes, of course, secret's hanging out in the wetfrommybath bathtub. of course. why wouldn't she be?

(2 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
4:17 pm
puck and i are trading offices. my old office just has posters, my table, and clothes hanging in the closet. the posters are because i forgot about them, the table is because the legs need to come off and puck knows how to do that, and the clothes are because there's no other place to hang them currently.

there was a thunderstorm today. and it was sunny. kind of at the same time. it was really beautiful. i sat outside and read the doris book.

this evening we're going to campus and i'm going to make copies of my zine. i'd written about how it never lightnings here and so it was nice to note that there was thunder (though i saw no lightning).

(1 idea | but what does it mean?)

Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
9:02 pm
nothing completes a good birthday like a really good flossing.

mmm... *contented sigh*

Current Mood: satisfied

(18 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Saturday, May 7th, 2005
10:41 pm
clara bow cap from when i watched itCollapse )

we've been watching lots of kids in the hall lately. dave foley incessantly reminds me of paul (who, weirdly, i watched kids in the hall for the first time with. when we were all at katie's for thanksgiving my 2nd year.), my hair gets more and more like kevin macdonald's every day, and anything bruce mcculloch says or does, i wonder what diana barry thinks of it, since he's fred wright and they're supposed to be off being a pudgy old couple together.

(8 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Friday, May 6th, 2005
12:18 pm

(11 ideas | but what does it mean?)

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
9:17 pm
finally getting those books off the table!
1. Choose five ten lots of your all time favorite books.
2. Take the first sentence of the first chapter and make a list in your journal.
3. Don't reveal the author or the title of the book.
4. Now everyone try and guess.

(i'm leaving out intros and doing the first sentence of the closest thing to chapter one that these books have.)

1) It was dusk-- winter dusk.

2) Imagine a ruin so strange it must never have happened.

Isn't that an address!"
anne of windy poplar by l. m. montgomery, guessed by kaleidoscope & lilydandelion

4) I used to have a cat, an old fighting tom, who would jump through the open window by my bed in the middle of the night and land on my chest.

5) There was once a man; he had learned as a child that beautiful tale of how God tried Abraham, how he withstood the test, kept his faith and for the second time received a son against every expectation. fear and trembling by kierkegaard guessed by butchlybear

6) The house in the hollow was "a mile from anywhere"--so Maywood people said.

7) >From the moment we take our first breath (and sometimes even before that, what with sonic imaging technology), the cry "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" ushers us into this world. my gender workbook by kate bornstein, guessed by eekhoorn

8) When she was born her mother was so young, still a girl herself, didn't know what to do with her. the rose and the beast by francesca lia block, guessed by um_coeur

9) Griffin Moss
It's good to get in touch with you at last.
</strike> griffin and sabine by nick bantock, guessed by citrine

10) The first thing I always tell my students about oracles and tarot decks is: Don't read the book.

11) After a great deal of time examining oceans, investigating rainstorms, and staring very hard at several drinking fountains, the scientists of the world developed a theory regarding how water is distributed around our planet, which they have named "the water cycle."

12) Dear Theresa,
I'm lying on my bed tonight missing you, my eyes all swollen, hot tears running down my face.
Stone Butch Blues by leslie feinberg, guessed by butchlybear

13) Once upon a time.

14) Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. so long and thanks for all the fish by douglas adams guessed by ephemeraltoast

15) It's 9:01 in the morning.

16) I am going to begin a new kind of diary. the selected journals of l m montgomery, v. 1 guessed by um_coeur

Current Mood: sims overload

(22 ideas | but what does it mean?)

7:49 pm
The Vampire Novel
Hmm, very interesting! You scored 148!

People are addicted to you, as you make such entertaining and sexy
reading material. You get people�s imaginations flowing and make for
the type of book people want to read more than once. Cults have been
inspired by the likes of you.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 79% on bookpoints
Link: The What Kind Of Book Are You Test written by saucygirl on OkCupid Free Online Dating

(2 ideas | but what does it mean?)

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